Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Interloper, Redout and "The Evil Eye"

So, I was out in my yard, yesterday, minding my own business. Imagine my ire when I was sniffing through the bushes and discovered The Interloper! Was I fizzified!
My Person came over to try and smooth the waters, but The Interloper dashed off. As if I needed help in shooing her away. However, I was mightily ticked off when The Interloper had the nerve to appear on MY PORCH half an hour later. Luckily for her, the patio door was shut or I'd have given her such a scratching!
Meanwhile, I have been practicing my Evil Eye! It seems to work just fine on some of the Humans who have the nerve to wander into my house. I put them in their place, but, for some reason, there are some who refuse to leave. My Person's brother has been staying off and on over the last few months and has had the nerve to take over the couch when he is here. My Person tells me that he won't be staying any more, since he bought his own house. I have to grudginly admit that I haven't minded when he speaks softly and quietly to me. He keeps his hands behind his back and obviously knows that I would scratch them to ribbons if he tried to mess up my fur.
I'm not sure why all these Humans come into my house. I make it clear whose house it is, and yet my Person and The Mother continue to let them in. I guess I really have to work on perfecting The Evil Eye.
What I really hate is when my person goes away and doesn't come back for days and days. Sometimes, she leaves The Mother to feed and talk to me. That is okay. When both she and The Mother go away, which they did for 10 days last October, some other Humans came in and tried to talk and play with me. I think I made my point when I growled at them all every day.
When my Person and The Mother camne home, I made it clear that I was angry. It was hard to stay angry with my Person, though. Once I did a thorough sniffing to see if she had been consorting with other Kitty Kats, I sat on her and climbed on her, and if she left the room, I cried until I found her. I tried to stay angry.... but I was just so glad to see her.

Thursday, September 02, 2004


Tonight, I was hissified to find a cat wandering through MY domain! I was beside myself and for quite some time after my Person chased it off, I was looking out the patio doors trying to see if it came back.
My Person said that it had come from two doors down and belongs to the big Boxer named Cassius. I care not where it came from! I just don't want it in MY yard!
This morning, my Person was trying to track down a bad smell and found two very dead mice in the live-trap under the sink. She said to me that this wouldn't happen if I would take the least bit of interest in doing what cats are supposed to do naturally and catch the mice. I just glared at her and said "Why should I catch mice when you have a perfectly good trap under the sink to do it?" I mean, REALLY! What WAS she thinking?

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Overflowing Cat Box Blues

- Jane Robinson (with some liberties)

First I must mention the lack of attention:
Here I am wasting away. (it's awful)
Why did you get me if you won't pet me
Seventeen hours a day? I ask you
What is this crap when I sit on your lap?
I expect a devoted masseuse;
I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me
Overflowin' cat box blues.

Now I have grown gaunt from privation and want
But catfood I don't deign to take (how gauche)
But I could connive to completely revive
When you give-a me half of your steak (done rare)
I'll sit and I'll beg with my claws in your leg
Until you concede what I'm due;
I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me..
Overflowin' cat box blues.

Hey, I don't deserve this lousy door service:
I'm always on the wrong side. You know this
Prancing and yowling, moaning and growling
Works, but it hurts a cat's pride. So I'll just
Claw and I'll spray till the door rots away
And leaves me a hole to pass through;
I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me...
Overflowin' cat box blues.

Say, whenever I go for the bed or the sofa
You always shoo me away. (How rude!)
You say I get hair on the fabric of chairs
That offends your pristine derriere. Well now if
I can't repose where I want, I suppose, I'll
Throw up where you most like to snooze;
I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me..
Overflowin' cat box blues.

Well, you ought to know when a cat's got to go
That you owe him a spotless commode. (Let's hear it)
Why should I squat on the same soggy spot
Right on top of three weeks worth of load? Now really!
If I were a grouch I would piss on the couch,
But instead I have pissed in your shoe;
I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me...
Overflowin' cat box blues.

Since you have neutered me nobody's laid me -
I'm all neurotic and tense - it's true now -
Kneading and mewing is all that I'm doing
And not fighting toms on the fence. Don't think that
I've become bitter because I can't litter
No, but I've lost a few screws;
I got those `Nobody loves me, nobody feeds me
Overflowin' cat box blues.

First things first

This was me just a few days after my Person found me. My brothers and I were left in a box just inside the doors of the store where my Person worked. We were all adopted by people who worked in the store, and I was lucky enough to get my Person. She loved me from the first minute she met me, and I have to admit that I kind of like her, too.
I like to climb on my Person when my person goes to sleep at night, and I like to go sniffing in my garden. I have to wear a harness and stay on a leash, which I don't like, but it is better than not being able to go out at all. I do manage to sneak out every once in a while when my Person's mother opens the door. I lurk with intent while she is around and then, because she is slow, I can dash between her feet.